A Boston Marriage

Dating is a difficult and often awkward situation that we insist on throwing ourselves into time and again until it gets so bad that we will marry anyone to get out of it, isn’t it?  I recently went on a date with a man.  The date went from going well, to not going well, to going well again, and finally ended well… I think.  There was a kiss at the end of the date, that’s good, right?  And a request for a second date (surely, that’s good).  Then two days later a two line email (not so good) saying I’ll call you when I am coming to town again (ummm).  Fine?  Then nothing (not good).  For two weeks (bad).  Then a text message (boooo), saying that things have been very busy and he will email soon (weak).  Then the email comes (whatever),

“Work is very busy.  I have some pre-arranged commitments over the next two weeks.  I’ll be in touch.” 

This is where dating gets sketchy.  Does this mean, “Work is very busy.  I have some pre-arranged commitments over the next two weeks.  I’ll be in touch,” or, does this mean, “I don’t want to see you again.  I am hopeful that two weeks is enough time to make you forget we ever met and perhaps delete me from your phone and email contacts”?  I mean, I have copies of “The Rules”, and “He’s Just Not That into You”, neither of which have anything positive to say about the situation I am currently in.  Has he read these books as well?

Is this guy playing The Game?  Should I be playing The Game?  I think most of us would agree that finding a partner shouldn’t be a game, but there is a book called “The Rules”, and dating is also referred to as ‘courting’, so now there are rules and some sort of playing field involved – it must be a sport.  But in all sports, there are scores kept, and winners and losers.  Surely, this isn’t a good idea in a healthy relationship?

As those of you who have read my “Too Harmonious” article already know, I have taken a tentative step into the online dating world, and one thing I have learned from reading profile after profile is that as much as men seem to love sports, they apparently hate ‘games’.  Almost every guy references this somewhere in their write-up, “honest guy looking for a nice, honest girl.  No game-players.”  “Not interested in playing any games.”  What do these guys have against a little Scrabble or Taboo?  Maybe these guys wanted a commitment from women who were only in for a little trivial pursuit?  Either way, writing about not wanting to play games has to be the most skeptical way to start a new relationship.  It screams, “I have issues” or “I’m not over my last relationship”, doesn’t it?  In these men’s minds, there are women sitting in front of their computer screens choosing men and plotting how to screw with their little minds.  Imagine these women’s disappointment when they read the “No Games” clause, “Damn, he looked like a good man to mess with…”

As you can see by the number of question marks so far in this article, I have no answers.  But I do have a theory!  Something to make the Dating Game a bit more straight-forward.  Keep reading people – you aren’t going to find this sort of forward thinking anywhere other than abostonmarriage (there may be a reason for that).

Let’s just turn this dating thing into an official sport!  Not entering it into the Olympics or anything, just add a few basic rules to make things more… transparent.  First of all, married people, you are retired from the Game.  You already have your uniform on.  It’s called a wedding ring.  I think perhaps they should be made a size smaller than your knuckle and be somehow attached so it cannot be removed without cutting it off – we can’t have married players in the Game! 

I think those people who are playing the Dating Game should wear jerseys – just like any other sport.  I’m not suggesting the clothing of the future (silver suit with the v-stripe).  In reality I suppose, some people already wear a kind of uniform.  For instance, the guy in the skin tight-shirt doesn’t exactly scream commitment, and the 40-something year old woman in the mini skirt and hooker boots sort of says, “Now coming onto the field, number 69 for the Cougars, Lillian Morris!” 

And we would all have our positions that we play, like Defensive End (translation: I won’t take it up the bum – a lot of us playing this position, eh?), Wide Receiver (I like a man or woman with a little extra meat on his/her bones), Hooker (it’s a rugby position, and I think we should reserve this position for, well, hookers – no need to reinvent the wheel), etc.  And then there are players coming up on the end of a contract (ending a relationship), players in a contract (they shouldn’t be playing), and free agents (singles, possible commitment phobes).  For those who prefer to be with married people (it’s weird, but they’re out there), they could wear a distinctive colour.  I know what you are thinking – scarlet – but I really like red, so I was hoping we could perhaps agree on a seafoam or pea green?  I think this could really work!

My name is Andrea Sutherland.  I’m a defensive end, free-agent with a strong dislike of seafoam.  I’m looking forward to a few games with a similar player!… I just hope we’re in the same league…