A Boston Marriage

We all have our vices.  That little something that we try to hide from the rest of the world – something we do to escape our reality.  For some, it’s more of an enthusiastic hobby.  For others, it’s a convenient service without which they can no longer live, like a phone that provides email and internet service and ‘apps’ (damn you Apple!).  And for an ever growing portion of the population, it’s an addiction.

If you have watched A&E’s Intervention at all this year, you’ll see that people can now be addicted to almost anything!  Shopping, plastic surgery, eating through a feeding tube, eating through a mouth, rage – anything goes.  I’m looking forward to a blackberry episode; I even have a friend in mind to put forward for the episode (how many of you were thinking “It’s me.” as you read that?).

And so now I must admit to God and everyone reading this, that I also suffer an addiction.  Gosh… it’s so hard to type this.  Seeing it in black and white will make it so real.  I am addicted to… man, this is tough!  I, Andrea Sutherland, am addicted to…Spider Solitaire.  There!  I said it.  Admitting the problem is the first step toward recovery! 

For those unfamiliar with Spider Solitaire, I will take the time to explain that it is a game.  The game comes as a standard feature on all Windows operating systems (temptation lies almost everywhere!), and is a variation on the regular Solitaire card game with which I’m sure most of you are familiar.  If your curiosity gets the best of you and you decide to check out the game, please note that you’re playing with fire!  I also started with just one game.  Soon, I was chasing a win.  And when I finally achieved that win – it was too late.  I was hooked.  I’ve been chasing the thrill of that first victory ever since.  It’s never the same after the first one. 

It is entirely without pride that I tell you I am now playing Spider Solitaire at the “advanced” level.  Four suits.  I am only winning occasionally, and I keep telling myself that I’ll stop once I master the level.  But isn’t that what all we addicts say?  We can stop any time we want?  We just don’t want to.

And so now it comes time to apologise to all of you whose relationships with me have been affected negatively due to my addiction.  Julie, I was actually here when you called last week, but was in the middle of a particularly tough game that I thought I had a shot at winning – I couldn’t break my concentration to pick up the phone.  Sorry about that.  I also would like to apologise for cursing you after it became apparent that just having the phone ring was enough to break my concentration, and I blamed you for reaching out to me.  Aaand I apologise for the nasty name I called you.  It was out of line and entirely unwarranted.  Luckily, you had no idea about any of it until now. 

My old co-workers, Bob and Suzie, you sent me those wonderful emails at the holidays and I truly enjoyed reading them, but still have not responded.  I felt I couldn’t take the time away from Spider Solitaire; my statistics (especially my win percentage) are still too low for long breaks. 

To my doctor, Doctor Rae, I know you asked me to improve my fruits and vegetable intake, but I haven’t been able to justify a game break that would be significant enough to go to the grocery store and make said purchases.  Unfortunately, the local Pizza Hole doesn’t offer raw produce.  In an attempt to meet you halfway, I have begun to order veggie pizzas with extra mushroom and tomato.  I know it’s not enough though, and for that, I am sorry.

To Roland, the delivery guy from the Pizza Hole, I am sorry for insisting that you come directly into my apartment and deliver my pizzas to my couch.  I thought that you would eventually get used to the idea of coming right in, but I can see that it still makes you uncomfortable.

To Abostonmarriage.com readers, I would like to apologise for my hiatus from writing for the blog.  Please understand that for a Spider Solitaire addict, working on my computer is like an alcoholic working in a bar.  No excuses, Andrea!  I offer an unequivocal apology.  My Spider Solitaire didn’t get to ‘advanced’ level (again, no pride in saying that) on its own!  Sorry, sorry.

Well, I feel humbled, but better after that!  I’m not sure what step I’m on in the rehabilitation program, but I’m getting there!  Wish me luck in my recovery, and know that if you are suffering an addiction to something, I offer you my most sincere hope for a full recovery as well.

My name is Andrea.  I am a Spider Solitaire addict.  It’s been thirteen minutes since my last game.